Hi Ho Hi Ho....It's Off To Work We Go

Back to work today for summer school session. I honestly cannot complain. I just got a week off PAID and now I am back to work for only 5 hour days and will be getting paid my hourly rate for that on top of my summer pay. It will definitely be helpful with Noah not getting paid this summer (funny how that worked out JCPS....) and me needing hours to "qualify" for maternity leave, not to mention needing to save for maternity leave!! Yikes....well, thinking about it in those terms I am very grateful to be back to work!!

I do NOT like that Donna will not be here with me this summer, but oh well, I'm sure I'll be able to manage on my own :) and I do NOT like that I will have to miss out on Arie and Idina and Bude fun!! It has been an amazing time just being a family-no school, no work, no doctor's appointments. I am going to miss that calmness. I think this will definitely help the time before Keats pass by more quickly though. I have 82 days left as of today (that is if I make it to my due date) and 92 days left if I make it to the date I would like to give birth on!!

I am really feeling just huge and swollen and gross this pregnancy which makes wanting to do anything or even get dressed some days hard, but I know that this will all be over soon. How nice it will be to FINALLY be able to be a normal person again!! I feel like since I moved to Kentucky I have just been growing or giving birth!! Almost 4 years now.....geeze....I am soooooooo in longing of a run right now too. In fact, I might try to run tonight when I get home if I have the energy. I probably won't, we all know that, but I might try. Just for my emotional stability!! I also got this DVD with Jillian what-ever-her-name is from the Biggest Loser and I reallllllly need to start doing that more regularly because it KICKS MY BUTT!! Even Noah thought it was challenging (not nearly as much as I did) so we know it is not just my out of shape preggo body that can't handle it!!!!

Okay........it has been so long since I posted, I don't even know where to catch up and I really have to finish my lunch break and get back to getting ready for these kids tomorrow.....so I'll leave off with a few things Arie has said these past few months (how terrible am I that I have TWO blogs and haven't written in them in months??!!) that I want to be able to remember for her later in life!!

Arie (while praying before going to bed): Dear God, Thank you for Baby Keats in Mama's belly and Baby Ryver's in Sarah's belly and Baby Happy in my belly and the Baby With a Houche in Ali's belly....Thank you for Mama and Papa and Idina....Thank you for Sarah and Beard and Asa and Ashley and Ali and David and Austin and Lily.....Thank you for Nana and Kara and Pedro and the motorcycles....Thank you for GiGi and Grandpa Bobby.....Thank you for Sadie and Fiona and Connick....Thank you for me when I am funny and I make people laugh.....Ummmmm Thank you for Mama and Papa......And thank you for me when I am funny. Amen.

I pulled out a pair of purple shoes my mom had sent down for Arie (with a ton of other stuff) and when Arie saw them her response was: OHHHHHHH Thank you Mama!! (hugging me and patting my back) Thank you SO MUCH!! I love my purple shoes!! My Nana sent these to me. Oh thank you Mama, I am so pretty like Belle now!!

Arie (every time she gets in trouble lately): I not be bad. I am good, you do know that.

(Loud crashing noise in our bedroom coming from my side of the bed) Me: Arie, what are you doing?
Arie (poking her head around the end of my bed): Nothing....just breaking stuff.
Me: Well, please stop breaking stuff and come out here.
Arie: Okay Mama!!

There are so many more, but that's all I can document today. On the Idina front, she is just becoming a CHILD. It is so weird. She will be 1 in just 8 1/2 weeks!! Yikes!! She is literally the sweetest, calmest child ever but I love love love that she still has that spunky, fun spirit that Arie has. It is kind of a perfect match. Where Arie is stubborn and willful and argumentative (Sorry for imparting that on you baby girl!!), Idina has more of Noah's laid-back, go with the flow personality while retaining Arie and Noah's love for laughter and jokes and general merriment. I have never met a 10 month old that has as many inside jokes as this little goober does!! She truly is just such a blessing to us. We have decided (to avoid all that middle child syndrome stuff) that Arie will be our first born, Keats will be our first boy and Idina will be our baby!! :) Neither of us can imagine if she started to feel neglected because of Keats's arrival. The nice thing about her personality is I doubt she truly would, she just loves being a part of anything and doesn't require a ton of attention personally, but still-she is just too amazing and perfect to even risk that.

So weird we will have a little boy here sometime in the next few months!! I am overwhelmed and not nearly prepared but so very excited to meet him!! Alright....back to the daily gruel.......

PS-I have been crafting A LOT this past week out of work so I will post on my Dirty Diaper Distractions soon!!!! If anyone is interested-lots of baby stuff being made :)

Blue Night....

Rough day and night today....Rough couple of days honestly. It's annoying. I hate complaining, but Noah always gets frustrated with me because I'll go through this whole thing where I'm not gonna complain, I'm not gonna complain, I'm not gonna complain.....and then I break. Tonight is one of those breaking points.



I know there are a lot of factors. The girls haven't been sleeping through the night. Really haven't been sleeping at night at all. About 4 hours total since Sunday night.... For the next 4 weeks I have at least 30 pages due per week for different assignments plus my weekly observed lesson plans which always average about 15 pages and at least 10 hours of planning in addition to the pure anxiety that comes from being observed by a woman who has literally told me she doesn't think I should graduate because of where I work.... My mom left on Monday and I miss her so so much!! As well as my sister and my friends. I really wish I could make it home more than once a year. I hate that Obs and Miss Leigh and Heaton and Dee and Jack don't even really know my kids.... Noah and I got into a fight last night and although it was not even nearly a bad fight, I think that was truly it for me. I just feel so drained and lonely and overwhelmed. I want to give up. I wish quiting school and my job and life for a week was an option!!

It just feels tonight like it's been one thing after another for months and months....since September really. First I had that terrible infection with the IUD that was painful and miserable and emotional, and then getting that removed which led to even more pain and emotional feelings, then my Nana passing away, then the miscarriage, then Christmas which I always just barely suffer through thinking about Dad and Lee, then this pregnancy (which I'm not complaining about-I am so grateful now, but at the time, I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I mean, Idina was 4 months. My body even now hasn't even begun to heal completely....), then everything with the bleeding with this pregnancy which now I know is okay for the baby but still ever since I started bleeding I just feel SO drained. Not like preggo exhausted but like sick and malnurished, just drained. Plus it is miserable and old-ladyish to have to wear a HUGE pad everyday. And be 20 pounds overweight knowing I am about to gain and additional 30-40......

I really am just at a point tonight where I want to give up on all friendships, school, work, just everything. BUUUUUUUUUUUT I know in my rational mind that this is all a result of sleep deprivation and school-driven anxiety.....still that doesn't help my heart feel any more healed or full, it just lays there in my chest feeling heavy and lonely and sad and this is the number ONE reason why I HATE being pregnant ALL THE TIME!!!! I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO TELL MY HEART WHAT TO FEEL!! When I know it's not true, I like being able to move on, not dwell on things...........

And truly I know I am beyond blessed. I have two beautiful girls, a wonderful, fun, handsome husband, best friends within my family (both natural and married), a job that I adore, pets that make my heart happy, an added blessing in my belly from God that I never thought I'd experience. I know there is so much to be grateful for.....which makes nights like tonight were I feel completely alone and sad such an annoyance to me.

Anyway, it has been over a month since I have last posted (for mainly the reasons listed above) and there was a funny story I wanted to share from today. I picked Arie up from Angie's house this afternoon after work (Karen was sick so we had to find a stand-in and Angie is always so willing!!) and she was just STARVING!! It was almost 4 and I knew Noah wouldn't be home for close to 2 hours and it was a 20 minute drive home and I knew Idina would need to eat when we got there and the pets would need to be fed and put out, etc. so I asked Arie if she wanted a cheeseburger. OF COURSE her answer was YES!!!!

We stopped in at Wendy's and got her a cheeseburger on the way home. Arie always pulls the buns off her burger and eats just the cheese and burger. And today she pointed at her burger and said "It's chicken!!" And I replied, "No sweet heart, that's not chicken, that's hamburger."
ARIE: (pointing again) It's chicken!!!!
ME: No sweet pea, that's cow.
(silence in the backseat for about 3 seconds)
ARIE: (quietly) ....It's....chicken??
ME: No, it's coooow.
(silence again, this time long enough that I look back at her through the rear view mirror. Her bottom lip is pouted out and her eyes are watering as she looks at the cheeseburger.)
ARIE: My cheese burger is a cow??
ME: (quietly, realizing I had made a mistake) Yes....
ARIE: Like a moooo cow??
ME: Yes....

Arie just played with her burger the rest of the way home and didn't eat anymore....I think I may have made our daughter a vegetarian today!! :/

spring time give-away :)

i know i need to actually do a legit post here as i haven't been on in over a month, but to give a quick heads up, my friend is doing a spring time give-away that is to die for!! :) if you have a little girl or are anticipating the birth of one, check out her give away at

http://storyofourlives7.blogspot.com/2010/02/spring-is-in-air-giveaway.html

trust me-it's worth the 2 seconds it takes to check it out!!!! good luck!! (Although i hope to win!!)

For my girls....

i wrote this originally as a ventfest for all of the things i have been feeling this past week and month. honestly, i am in a dark, sad place currently and i need to snap out of it. but in writing it, i realized, i have very little to be sad or overwhelmed by. i am SO BLESSED to have the husband and best friend that i do in noah and as lonely and homesick as i often feel here, i am absolutely in LOVE with my family.....so i deleted all of that complaining crap. i hate complainers anyway (i generally avoid it at all costs) and decided to just write to my baby girls instead. much more therapeutic, i feel and i don't have to be annoyed with myself for complaining this way!! :)

anyway, i started this whole thing as a memory keeper for arie (and now idina) and keep it all journaled for them off the computer as well so just as a quick note to my girls. no matter how much i complain and how many times i wish this all would have happened just a little later, please know i love you both SO MUCH. i would not trade in one sleepless night, one empty bank account, one week of fevers and vomit for a trip with your papa, a night out with friends or a homework assignment completed with tears. you are both truly the most wonderful gifts i could ever have asked for. arie-we joke often that you are the best thing we never could have wanted, and truly chica you are. you are the funniest, sweetest little girl. i know this is your papa in you, but you go back and forth from SCREAMING at the top of your lungs with joy to sitting in my lap with your head on my should for almost an hour, not because you are tired or sick but because you know how to love me. someone described you at church (i don't know the person's name) as being magnetic and that was the first time anyone had ever described you in a way that TRULY fit your personality. people have called you personable, and charismatic, and friendly, and sweet but magnetic is the most accurate description of you. people are just drawn to you, whether they know you or not. i thought for sure when we passed the infant stage people would no longer stop us in the grocery store to comment on your beauty or your smile or ask for a kiss. but they still do. you were SO unexpected and unplanned, i truly feel like God gave you that personality to bless us. you were the easiest thing in my life to love. iddy-you are the happiest, kindest creature ever created. truly!! i joke often to people that you're like that because i was on zoloft for postpartum and you got it through the milk, but that is not why. you just have this calm, kind nature. you are so eager to smile and laugh. i can play games with you that i have never been able to play with a baby your age. you already "talk" to us in intonations we almost feel we can understand. you LOVE your big sister and your papa SO MUCH and you love animals. you will giggle whenever sadie or fiona or connick come near. you are a lover and a cuddler and we've only known you for 5 months. i cannot imagine what more we will learn about you in the months and years to come. you two are the most amazing blessings i could ever have asked for. thank you for all of the memories so far and for the many more yet to be made.

i love you both with all of my heart.

Number One Reason I Love My Family....

they are the most fun people i know!!

blog layouts

so everyone has these amazing blog layouts with cute little texts and fun graphics.....how do i do that??!! i want to be a cool blogger. i was just looking at my blog and although i cannot deny i think the two little girls taking up half of the top of the page are ADORABLE!!!! it is just not that cute of a blog. i always want to go places based on the website. if the website is terrible or old fashioned or difficult to navigate i am like "NOPE-not doing it!!" so i would imagine people probably aren't as interested in reading my blog because of the lazy boring no thought layout????

anyway, if anyone can be of any assistance in that i would greatly appreciate any and all help!!!!

so i am planning on hopping off here in a few minutes and being a little crafty before i go to bed but i thought i'd hop on for at least a moment and complain mostly about my ugly blog and then just do a quick purge of emotions!!

we went sledding with the siblings today (noah's siblings) and it was so much fun!! arie was scared to death of every ride down, but still allowed us to take her more than once. she is so trusting. jokes were made about taking idina down, but obviously as unwise as i can sometimes be as a mother (let arie stay in the room tonight as we watch "the hangover"-GASP), i'm not that dense!!!!

it is funny how such a small amount of snow makes such a difference here. we had school canceled on friday and we only got like 3 inches!! i can remember WALKING to school in 22 inches!! but i understand they just don't have the resources or the experience here to have 3 inches not be a big deal. but still it is pretty entertaining. i mean people here can barely drive in a heavy rain.....snow pretty much turns their brains to mush......

on a brighter note, idina is sleeping like 2-3 hours straight at night currently. she'll go to bed at around 9, sleep until almost 11, wake up until about 12:30, sleep until 3, wake up and want to eat, go back to bed around 4 and then wake up for good between 6-7. while i still feel like i have burned my eyes out with hot coals each morning and could not get enough sleep if i slept for 5 days straight, it is a great improvement since she moved to the formula!! i am trying to get her back on the breast, and it seemed to be going well for the beginning of the week, but my milk seems to be changing for some reason and she doesn't seem to like the taste of it. it's slightly annoying as i really hate denying her that bond and i feel a lot like a bad mother that i have just had such supply issues this whole time with her because i NEVER had supply issues with arie.

either way, she is a happy, loving, sweet, healthy baby and i have to trust that if she NEEDED my milk to be as healthy as i want, then God would supply me with that.

my goal for tomorrow is to start reading my Green Book. i do NOT want to be one of those psycho green-fanatics who make everyone else around them feel like terrible people because they use plastic bags to buy groceries instead of cloth because i'm sure 5 years from now they'll be telling us how bad cloth is, but i DO want to help make my own steps towards a healthier world. and i want to raise our kids to live healthy, planet conscious lifestyles (again without being uppity or exclusive). so that is my goal for tomorrow. i'm hoping to get some good tips on some household products that i can make my self (ie toothpaste, cleaning agents other than vinegar water as we already do that, etc) just because it would save us money AND save the world at the same time!! :) that's the way i like to do things. save the world-save me money. otherwise there's just not really much motivation!!

okay. i'm gonna go craft. very exciting life i lead......please envy me now

Crazy Kids Quotes 1

Today at work we had Chapel. Our school is based in a children's psychiatric hospital named Our Lady of Peace originally but now is technically Children's Peace Center (although no one calls it that) because it was originally run by St. Mary & Elizabeth but now is also run by Jewish Hospital, so it is completely conflicted religiously at the moment (menorahs and nativity sets decorate the halls over the holidays, etc.) but that is beside the point. The point is that the kids get to go to chapel once a week if they choose because of the whole catholic origins. Today we had 5 kids that wanted to go. It was nice to be there with them because it always reminds me when I hear their sweet, innocent voices singing songs about Mary and Jesus how they were not always the violent, cussing, sexually explicit little hooligans they are 99% of the time.

Two things that they said, however, really just warmed my heart. The lesson today was about the three wisemen (because today is The Day of Epiphany on the Christian calendar) and Chaplain Jim started out the lesson asking if any of the children knew who the three wisemen were.

One of my students raised her hand and answered, "That's a Goddess and her son!!" We were like, seriously??!! Chaplain Jim is so good with though and he responds SOOOO much better than most and makes them feel like their answers make sense.

Another time he was talking about the gifts the wisemen brought and asked if any one knew what frankincense was. One of my kids answered, "It smells real good. My mom got me some once. I mean, I never smelled it or anything but it was a bottle and the scent was Franken...." he is one of my short little sweet hearts who hasn't got an idea in his head and goes off at the drop of a pin, but he is absolutely the funniest little kid and although he lies ALL THE TIME (told us his 90 year old father was getting surgery done on the prostrate on his upper back once) at least in this case he did recognize that the word frankincense had the word a relation to the word scent which is REALLY good for him!!

I also got this card from one of my little girls (this is the one who told me she likes my penis, pees and spits on you when upset and STRIPS while singing the song "I Give Ya Feva"). As much as it can be challenging and especially lately I just come home and want to CRASH and sleep all day and night, it is one of the most rewarding things I could ever ever imagine having as a part of my life. I am so grateful not only for a job that I love with coworkers I love, but for one that fulfills me as well!! :)