NEW BLOG!!!!

I've moved over to wordpress!! Sorry for the address change, but please continue to follow me over there at http://anamnesismemento.wordpress.com/!! I am excited about a new format and HOPEFULLY more blogging in this new year with NO school for me or The Bude. Thanks to Bethany Renee Photography for turning me onto wordpress!! Check out her page and follow her as she grows as a photographer!!!!

magic moments

Sunday afternoon Noah decided to have a little "man time" and went to a movie with Joey. I took the opportunity to do something I knew he had nooooooo interest in doing with me-filling out and packaging up our Christmas cards (along with some thank you notes for Keats's shower!! yikes!!). I waited for almost an hour at Walmart with the kiddos for the cards to be reprinted because they messed up again (not to mention that this was the THIRD day in a row I had spent there for over an hour waiting on a different order of Christmas cards I had ordered that then had to be canceled to get these new cards!!) so by the time I got the kids home, they were all ready to pass out.

(Keats and Connick kept me company while I worked....)

I put the girls to bed quickly and got everything set up on the chaise lounge to begin the tedious process. Somehow our numbers have gotten into the 50's for Christmas cards (and I still feel like I'm leaving people out!!) hence why-despite the hour long waits-I use Walmart. 19 cents a card.....you just can't beat that!! I turned on the Christmas tree, lit my balsam pine needle candles, and got to work. I worked on my thank you notes first, getting them all put into envelopes and addressed and then moved onto the Christmas cards. Just as I began to address the envelopes and stuff them, light snow started to fall outside the window. Now anyone who has spent any time in Kentucky knows that snow here is a rare occurrence, just as anyone who has lived in Boston knows that snow in the winter there is not. The funny thing is as "normal" as it was in Boston and as adjusted to it as I was there, I can't help but get giddy at the insignificant amounts we get here now.  I appreciate the retraining Kentucky has put me through. I used to be so discouraged by the lack of snowfall here. Now I have learned to just enjoy even a dusting. This time we got probably less than three inches and got the day off school!! At this particular moment in time, just the flurry outside my window stirred my heart into a happier rhythm.

And then I realized it was the perfect memory; addressing our first Christmas cards as a complete (how many times have we said that!! haha.....we'll see where God leaves that one!!) family for our very first Christmas in our very own home with my two baby men keeping me warm, one at my feet and one on my breast, with my home smelling like Christmas and the tree lighting my envelopes and the snow falling outside. I don't think words or pictures or anything momentary could describe how this moment will live on forever in my mind as a perfect moment in time. Those moments are so rare.....I feel blessed to have experienced it and excited to look forward to the many more perfect memories I will have to look forward to in this home and with my family.

ANNOUNCEMENT: GRACIN IS HERE!!!!!!!!

I have been blessed this year with TWO boy cousins to befriend and grow with Keats as he matures!! Ryvers was mentioned earlier and was born two weeks before Keats (although they were meant to be a few days less than a month apart) and now GRACIN ADAIR has joined the group!! A healthy 8 pounds 11 ounces HUGE with a full head of hair to his BEAUTIFUL, STRONG mama who had him el natural (jealousy!!) just as she had planned!!

I could not love him more and I haven't even seen his face yet!! I will fill in more details as I learn them but for now I know that my wonderful inherited sister is healthy and resting with her newest baby boy!! I cannot wait to travel home (I haven't been in over a year now!!) and meet the little man sometime soon!!!!

I cannot wait to see him and get identical cousin pictures of the three of them so soon!!!! Yay Ali and welcome to the world Gracin!!!!!!!!

Lesson Learned....

Well, I have tried to write Keats's birth story several times, but each time I start, I get this sick feeling and get sad because nothing in his birth went as I would plan. Even now, after months of really working on my spirit in this matter, I still have to fight those feelings. I think I have come to the realization that he is my last child and this was my last time to try and have the birth I have longed to have since Arie, but I know now I will never have that experience. That is a hard realization. Definitely not what I was wishing or hoping for as we practiced our birthing positions each day from our doula handbook or as I read diligently from Dr. Sears and The Bradley Method books....... It has been a hard, slow process but I am finally at peace (for the most part) with my situation.

I TRULY have nothing against medicated births. Nor am I a midwife fanatic (I actually had a very unpleasant experience with the midwives for Idina's birth and LOVED my OB for Arie and Keats's births and felt much more empowered and taken care of by her). I do not think there is a "right" way to give birth or a "stronger" way to give birth. Whether you push them out non-medicated in the bathtub at home or you have an emergency c-section at 36 weeks, the end result is the same: you nurtured and supported the most perfect being on the planet. And for those first time mama's out there who wonder if they will ever love their next the same as they do their first, this statement is true for all your future children too-no worries there!! All that being said, I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaated being pregnant mostly because I haaaaaaaaaaaaate not being in control. And that includes the birthing process. I had daydreamed of just going in to labor at home and having him come so quickly (no complications involved of course) that Noah and I got to deliver him at home alone. I had daydreamed of being induced (when an induction looked inevitable) and making it through the extreme contractions of pitocin with my water broke and having him without any pain medications still. This was not the plan for Keats and I-even now-whole heartedly dislike not being consulted on that plan!!

Keats's whole pregnancy was a train wreck. From the first few weeks (where my placenta would not attach fully to the uterine wall-which we know now is as a result of a prolapsed uterus-and so I bled for almost 8 weeks straight and intermittently throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. We also know now that I got pregnant with Keats as well as a result of this same problem to begin with when the IUD grew into my uterine wall and I had to get it removed thus resulting in a miscarriage and then Keats......those tricky prolapses......) to the end when they decided to admit and induce me (when I entered the hospital with numb hands, feet and face muscles and eventually went partially blind from what they "believe"-i.e. they have no idea-was either a result of Keats laying on my spinal column incorrectly or a result of my hemoglobin levels dropping well below normal for a healthy adult, let alone a pregnant one). Everything was out of my control, as have been a number of circumstances since then (my student teaching experience and the house situation just to name a few.....).

I have realized that......perhaps......I was meant to be taught a lesson in the fine art of letting go...... And I am grateful for the lessons Keats has already begun to teach me now that I have learned to let go of his birthing experience.

It just doesn't matter any more. When I tell Keats the story of his birth, I will not include a statement of pride that I birthed him without medication. However, I will tell him how we laughed between contractions at the excitement of his arrival as I got my blood transfusions early that morning before the induction began. I will tell him how I remember his father speaking soft words of encouragement to me and quietly reading me poetry from his namesake as I lay on my side during a contraction and the hands of both friends and family, woman I love and trust, on my back, arms, legs, and feet.  I will tell him how I felt the moment he turned out of my hip and off my back and the joy I felt in not only knowing that the pain was almost gone, but that he was almost here. I will tell him how not only was his Auntie Sarah in the room to support me during the labor, but so was his cousin Ryvers, who was only 15 days old. I will tell how his Auntie Ashley ran back and forth from her work across the street as often as she could to check on his progress. I will tell him how his Tia Kara watched on the computer as he was working his way out even though the lights were too dim in the room to see and the sound was turned off for me to have silence. I will remind him how his grandparents were all there-some in spirit and some in person-and teach him how blessed he was for the advancement of technology that could keep his Nana and his GiGi updated every moment over the phone and on the web. I will make sure he knows that he spoke with his Nana, and both of his aunts in other states within a few hours of his arrival and how they all thought he looked just like his Papa. I will laugh as I tell him he almost bonded my relationship with Asa in an extreme way as I tried to allow Asa in the room for his birth. I will smile when I remember feeling the weight of his new body in my arms and more than likely (as I am now) cry as I tell him how his sweet, attentive, gentle nature was evident even at that first meeting. I will tell him how he felt soooooo heavy and talked so softly, so different from his sisters. I will joke, as the nurses did, that he would have been 9 pounds even at two weeks early if he hadn't peed all over the doctor the moment he escaped my body!! I will remind him of his Auntie Amanda coming late that night to meet her birthday buddy after she had spent hours cleaning our unprepared home for his arrival. I will tease his father and remind them both of their first "manly" conversation when Noah pulled Keats up close to his face that night, after everyone else had left, and told him that no matter what his Uncle Asa or anyone else had to say about it-that Batman would always beat Superman in a fight. I will tell him of his first meeting with his sisters and how Arie barked at him like a dog, uncertain how to interact with him, from the foot of the bed while Idina crawled up and quickly began to hug and "sing" to him. I will tell him that although he wasn't planned and that nothing went as I had hoped, imagined or even worst-case-scenario'd, that his arrival-in a moment-made our family complete and made me whole.

And Keats will hear all of these things. And he will know, that from the first-he was loved. And now I know that none of the rest of it matters.

Keats Asa Glass arrived August 25, 2010, two weeks ahead of schedule and completely out of sync with "the plan", weighing 8 pounds 15 ounces and 22 inches long. He is my man and I do love him so.

Just REdiscovered Arie's Birth Story.....

I would probably write this soooooooooooo differently now, but here is the birth story I wrote back when I had Arie almost three years ago!! So funny to think of her as a newborn now, let alone her BIRTH!!!!

Birth details


Type of delivery: Vaginal (with pain relief)

Duration of labor: 36+ hours

Weight @ birth: 8 pounds 3 ounces

Length @ birth: 19 3/4 inches

Arrie Rikku Glass`s Birthstory

My water broke sometime before 12:30 AM on November 23 (I woke up soaked in it thinking I had wet myself!!). I wanted to labor as much as possible naturally, so I took a quick shower and stayed home in bed until my contractions picked up enough that I was feeling them every 3-5 minutes. We got ready and ate breakfast and headed out to the hospital at about 6AM. When we got to the hospital, I was confined to the bed because the baby was not in the birth canal yet and with my water being broken, there is a higher risk for the cord to wrap around her neck. After about 8 hours of irregular, but strong contractions, my doctor (and yes-we were lucky enough to have our doctor who we love deliver us!!) decided to put me on pitocin and increase it steadily to try and help me get into active labor. I had wanted to do a natural childbirth, but at the 17 hour mark, I was having contractions one on top of another at a very high strength without any progress due to the pitocin (I came into the hospital at 2 cm dilated and at the 17 hour mark, I was only a little more than 3 cm dilated!!). At 20 hours I opted for an epidural as the contractions were strong enough and close enough together to cause me to vomit continuously. I feel asleep for about two hours after the epidural kicked in and when I was checked out at the 24 hour mark I had progressed to 7cm!! It was my first real progress throughout the labor. However, to get me to the 7cm my doctor had to put me on double the maximum amount of pitocin usually administered and when I was checked at the 30 hour mark and found to be at 9 cm, my first epidural wore off. Because of the increased amount of pitocin, contractions were over double their normal strength and "coupled" which meant that there was no rest time between the contractions. I vomited again continuously while waiting 40 minutes for the doc to come in with my second round of epidural. Again, after getting the epidural administered, I fell asleep for about two hours. When my doctor next came to check on me it was about 10:30 AM on November 24. She asked me if I was ready to push, but I told her I was too tired and she convinced me to try anyway. I pushed for just over 17 minutes and gave birth to my perfect little girl!! She weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces and had a full head of hair on her way out. I was torn, but only slightly and at that point, I could care less. I held and nursed my baby and then fell asleep while they made sure she was okay (it is unusual to have your water broken for over 30 hours and not get an infection but we were lucky!). Even with the difficult birth, I would do it all again after meeting Arie-not anytime soon, but man she makes it worth all the pain!!!!

 

My Sweet Garry :)

I have been a terrible blogger.....maybe a year of just little ones after work and no school will make me (slightly) better?? I doubt it, but one can dream!! :)

I wanted to report (almost a MONTH LATE!! I know....I should just throw the towel in now!!) that Caleb and Sarah had their beautiful baby boy!!!! Ryvers Calloway West.....weighing in at a healthy 8 pounds 4 ounces and 22 inches long!! Nice big boy just the way we like 'em!!

Now I do have to admit that were you to have been in the room with Sarah during delivery you would not only be AMAZED by how she did for a first time mom, but also become quite convinced that natural labor is not only possible but peaceful and controlled. She was like a video advertisement for natural labor. MY "natural" labor with Idina was NOTHING like this and I cried and complained the whole time!! Were I to have made it through naturally with Keats, I can ASSURE you that I would have done the same again!! But Sarah was so quiet, so controlled. With each contraction, she moaned a little or "talked" a little, but was so peaceful and calm, you would have thought it was her eighth time around!!

I was so blessed to have been in the room with her for even the few short hours I was. It was such an amazing part of life to be involved with, I truly could not love her or her baby boy any more if I tried!! Watching everyone in the room just silently put their hands on her with each contraction honestly made my eyes water. Even in getting to edit her labor pictures later, I only felt more connection to my beautiful, strong sister and her handsome new man. I wish I could share those pictures with you, but they are forever a private reminder to our family of Ryvers's amazing birth!!

Seriously, ladies, if you are thinking about a natural birth and are having any doubts, please contact her!! She will set your minds at ease. Granted-a natural birth is not for everyone and for some of us (myself included) despite our best efforts, a natural birth is just not in the cards. However, I can say after witnessing my little Garry's entrance into the world that it can be a calm, beautiful, bonding experience that you will remember for the rest of your life!!

I am so proud of my sister in getting to deliver exactly the way she had hoped for and so very much in love with both her, her amazing husband (who could not have been more perfect throughout the birthing process) and her newest hunk!! I cannot wait for more Westies to love and watch grow in the coming years!!

Decisions Decisions

So....I am wavering back and forth (have been for the past 5 weeks since it was mentioned) about getting induced or not on August 31....That is 5 days before my due date and actually later than I had either of the girls. I just can't decide what to do. This has been such a difficult pregnancy for me both physically and emotionally and the past 5 days I am running on about 1 1/2-2 1/2 hours of sleep a night between bathroom breaks, uncomfortably of a huge belly, a teething infant and a restless toddler. I am starting to wonder how I am going to make it another 7 weeks, not to mention the insane number of Rx's they have me on, not being able to eat (I haven't even gained an ounce in over 4 weeks....and that was after losing almost 8 pounds....I'm starting to get nervous he's stopped growing!! But he feels bigger??), throwing up constantly either from M/S or contractions and just a general feeling of longing to be "normal" again.

It's a hard decision to make for a number of reasons, not the least being that people have VERY strong opinions of "natural" versus "non-natural" that they are only too willing to express even without provocation and I'll be having this baby side-by-side with Noah's two sisters, both of whom I'm sure will have huge, perfect babies medication free.....

Noah REALLY wants me to get the induction. We are both in LOVE with our OB, she is absolutely amazing and was soooooooooooo incredible for Arie's birth. She supports all decisions I make and is a very cautious practitioner. She just puts me at ease like very few people have this time around. She would not do the induction unless I was effaced/dilated, there was an amnio done for his lungs/growth scan done for his size (if that was a concern) and my Bishop score was incredible. It would just be such a comfort to know she would be there and I could wear my own clothes and walk around with my water broken and not need an IV and just everything else.....Plus Kara would be able to come down and be in the room when I had him which would be so so amazing.

So....here I am asking for opinions (good or bad, for or against). I am weighing my options currently.

Thus far here is my pro's/con's list as I see it (I know others might have things to add to either side).

Pro's

1. My family would be able to plan more accordingly for the birth and not have to waste tons of money flying down so would possibly be able to stay longer
2. Kara would be able to be in the delivery room with us as Keats arrived
3. Child care would be easier to figure out
4. Dr. Walker would 100% be there to support me in my delivery
5. I would be able to have all of the comforts I want for birth, my own clothes, no IV unless needed, walking around even after my water is broken, choice of birthing positions (including squatting if wanted), I get to cut the cord, Noah or I could catch the baby if we want, etc
6. Dr. Walker knows all of the "issues" we've had leading into this pregnancy (and there have been a lot) so I wouldn't have to be describing all of my worries (not feeling Keats move, etc) to a dr I've never met
7. I have already been induced twice so I know what to expect and trust Dr. Walker enough not to fear c-section with her
8. If I go into labor earlier than the planned induction, at least my last few weeks will be less stressful
9. I can plan for my job more accordingly (in terms of when paychecks will stop, when they will start, and figuring out lesson plans to match CC guides)
10. I will be able to plan better for KTIP (yuck....when will school be done??)
11. This is Noah's PREFERENCE
12. I will be more at ease
13. I will have an actual end in sight.....seirously....I truly feel like I have been pregnant FOREVER.....I know that is selfish, but unless you have been pregnant as frequently as me, please try not to judge too harshly :/

Con's

1. It would make using a doula pretty much out of the question. I have gone back and forth on this. I LOOOOOOVE Lorna (the woman we are planning on using) but I will have only met her twice by the delivery and that makes me feel kind of exposed. Plus, I would really rather have my sisters there (Kara and Ashley) than someone I don't really know, but Noah would really REALLY like to have a doula there.....so while I am torn on this one, it is going in to con's list for me because Noah is my support and I want him to feel supported in this process.
2. Induction does increase the risk of c-section, although again, this is a torn con because I've had two inductions (and Arie's induction really shouldn't have worked considering I was not effaced at all and barely 1 cm dilated when my water broke!!) and both went fine....but still it's a risk and I'm scared to death of surgery....never had one before-really don't want to start with a major one
3. I'm afraid of the pain it causes when you have to get pitocin (although Dr. Walker said that would be her last resort, she thinks stripping my membranes will be enough to get labor going as that is what started Arie's labor)
4. As lame as it is, I don't want to have to deal with the judgements and people's opinions
5. I get nervous that I will blame myself forever if something goes wrong

okay............so even if no one responds, at least I'm starting to think it through!! We have a growth scan at 34 weeks and a BPP that day as well, so I think depending on those results, I will begin my discussion with Dr. Walker. She feels safer being there just with all of my issues, but we'll have to wait and see what my heart says in the long run......Thanks for listening to my rambling....What a way to come back after like a month of not posting!! :) Sorry about that!! Keats, at least you will know you were loved and thought about STRONGLY long before you arrived!!