“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
-Elizabeth Stone
19 whole weeks. exciting exciting!! i'm almost half way there!! although i can't imagine getting another two times bigger!! i had a dentist appointment today and none of them believed i was five months, which i guess is nice because it means comparatively i must be smaller than most people, but for me, it's like i am this huge whale of a person. i think i partly just feel so big because i gained absolutely nothing the first couple of months (like a pound a month through the first four months) and at this point i think i've gained like a pound a week for the past four weeks. i know this is normal and will probably make my doctor really happy-it's just a big jump for me. but i was reading that this is the time when you gain the quickest (not the most-you gain the most in the third trimester and especially the last couple of weeks of pregnancy because the baby gets so big) but these past four weeks i guess you're supposed to gain the quickest because the baby jumps up in weight a ton-it goes from like 2.5 ounces to 7 ounces in these four weeks, which is its largest growth spurt in the entire 9 months. so i'm hoping that's what it is because otherwise i am just gaining like a mad women. and i know i shouldn't be worried about the weight and i honestly think if this was a planned pregnancy i wouldn't be, i would just be excited i was getting bigger. but when you don't plan it and weren't ready for it, it can be wearing on the mind and body. but i think i am settling into the fact now that from here on out i am just going to be getting bigger and bigger. noah let me buy a bathing suit for our family reunion that we're going to in a couple of weeks and i am sooooo grateful!! i just was not feeling comfortable in my bikinis anymore!! but i bought a one piece. i went to the store expecting to buy one of those tankini things but nope, i got a one piece. first one piece i have ever bought in my life that wasn't for a swim team, but i actually like it. it's cute. or at least i hope it's cute because being in a bathing suit at all right now is a bit of a humbling experience. so yeah, just getting huger and humbler by the minute!!
we only have to wait another week and a half to find out the sex of the baby!! i am soooo excited!! i cannot wait. i really didn't want to know at the beginning, but now that i have known for the past several months that we are going to find out, i am really wanting to know. i do all those tests online that tell whether you're having a boy or girl (based on old wives' tales) and i always get a boy but i don't believe in those old wives' tales?? it's just fun to do them and get what you hope for even if you don't think they're true!! i am hoping it's a boy, not that i would be disappointed in a girl, i just want a boy first so i can know that they will protect the little girl we will eventually have. but yeah, i am carrying low, my urine is bright yellow and has been since we got pregnant (which is a weird one, but it's on every test as being an indicator of having a boy), my boobs have gotten A LOT bigger (not that i needed or wanted them to), and my hair has gotten flatter instead of fuller. who knows though??
all i know is that my uterus is now the size of a cantaloupe (well a little bigger than that) and it pushes on every vital organ i have!! i can barely eat a meal without feeling like i am going to throw up from all the pressure the uterus puts on my tummy and i seriously feel like my heart has moved up into my lower throat!! i can feel it beating every moment of the day now. i think if i was a little taller it wouldn't be such an issue yet, but i'm a tiny little person, having a cantaloupe in my belly takes up a lot of room!! but it's also really cool because i can really feel the baby kick now. before it was just kind of a feeling of movement (people describe it as butterflies but to me it felt more like popcorn popping my lower abdomen) and honestly it wasn't very often (i've been scared a couple of times that the baby was going to be dead because i couldn't feel it!! i know i'm a horrible mother already!!) but now it is very distinct kicks. they don't happen that often and honestly most of the time me or noah force it to kick (we suck as parents!! we push it around with our hands until it gets so annoyed with us it kicks me!! at least it helps assure me it hasn't died....) but this morning i was just sitting having just eaten a bowl of raisin bran and the baby kicked me really hard!! i can't wait until it actually happens consistently. although i'm sure i'm going to regret ever feeling this way once it's big enough to bruise my ribs. i just wish noah could feel it now. i know a lot of women think it's special the few weeks only they can feel it, but i just want noah to be a part of it. i feel like the dad just gets to hear about everything but doesn't get to experience that much. that's why i agreed to finding out the sex, i want noah to have things that he can be involved in too and that is one of those things. but yeah, i thought he would be able to feel it kick now because if i put my hand where it is kicking i can feel it, but he can't. we think i can feel it from the outside because i know it's happening on the inside, but he doesn't so it's harder for him to tell. well, soon enough i guess??
well, we're going out to dinner and i should really be getting read or we're going to be late. i'll write again next week!! and soon we will all know the sex of the baby!! woooo whooo!!!!
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