so i figured it had been long enough since my last post. i had my 14 week appointment on tuesday and they pushed back my due date again!! when i went in i was 15 weeks and when i left i was 14......ah well. now it's looking like august 22nd. we have our ultrasound on march 27th, which will be VERY NICE to see what the baby is!! i am very excited. it's weird because i think i want a boy?? i mean, honestly, i don't really care, but i THINK i want a boy. i just know with noah wanting to be done after this that i would feel more content with that decision if i had one of each. i think if i didn't it would be VERY hard for me to be surrendered to the fact that he just really doesn't want any more.
not that i want to be pregnant again!! i hate being pregnant!! this pregnancy has honestly been a LOT worse physically thus far, but nicely has not made me as emotionally insane as last time. last time i was just off the wall, but this time i generally (with the exception of weird rollercoster days) feel like myself. that part of this pregnancy is amazing. the annoying part is that i am now at the point where i am gaining weight, but i do not yet really LOOK pregnant, so i just look like i am gaining weight. it's one of the hardest things for someone who has a lot of self-image issues and previous eating disorders. but what can you do?? i am just trying not to gain the 80+ pounds i gained with arie!! as long as i stay in a healthy weight range, i can't complain!!
i am just really in need of getting back into running and exercising. the first trimester just takes so much out of me that i am just way too exhausted to run and now i really need to be doing that. i need it partly for the exercise, but more so for the peace of mind. things just get to be so much lately between work, school, arie, noah, friendships and the pregnancy. i find that at least 4 days out of the week, if not 5, i am out of the house (without stop) for 13+ hours a day. and this summer looks like it will be the same.....ugggggg...... but we shall see. i just want to be able to run and get back into that clear mindedness that comes when you hit like the 3 mile mark. i just MISS it. i miss the silence i miss the solitude, i miss the feeling that i've done something for me!! so that is my goal right now, to find time for me to get what I NEED not just want arie or noah or the dogs or my work or my friends or my family needs. ....... . . but i am not always the best at that, so we'll have to wait and see!! haha!!
anyway, i just wanted to give a brief update. i'll try to be more commited to this. especially once the summer hits and this whole thing gets closer!! okay. i only slept two hours last night because my lovely daughter hates me and didn't sleep at all, so i am going to sleep now!! i am an old lady!! write again soon!!!!
